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Undead |
What The Bleep
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UNDEAD It's a typical day in Australia- meteor showers, alien abductions, and the locals transforming into flesh-chewing zombies. Religiously following the template laid down by Peter Jackson in Bad Taste and Braindead, the Spierig Brothers serve up enough intestine-heavy splatter in this comedy horror to satisfy any gore-hound. Sadly, they also overplay the lunatic laughs, often mistaking characters shouting at each other for comedy, but once the film stops trying to mimic Jackson's style and throws in some original twists, it transforms into genuinely inventive sci-fi movie with some groovy digital effects. Uneven as hell, but it's an ideal choice for seekers of dumb, post-pub horror entertainment. * * * UNDER THE TUSCAN SUN It's wish-fulfilment time for female fortysomethings, as recently dumped writer Diane Lane swaps San Francisco for Tuscany, and reboots her life while renovating a dilapidated villa. Loosely based on a non-fiction book, this 100% proof chick-flick has all the gorgeous scenery, handsome Italian love-machines and sparky lesbian best friends you'd expect, but isn't quite as painful as it sounds. The opening half packs in a surprising amount of sharp dialogue, and Lane's performance is effortlessly watchable;- but it also goes on at least half an hour too long, and eventually drowns itself in a blend of awe-inspiring clichés and sentimental mush. * *
VAN HELSING Dracula, the Wolf Man and Frankenstein's Monster only have one person to fear- the amnesiac, ass-kicking Gabriel Van Helsing (Jackman)... Stephen Somners is a man with a mission;- he's out to burst the eardrums of cinemagoers, and with VAN HELSING he's topped the deafening excesses of THE MUMMY RETURNS. Unfortunately, he's also forgotten that bigger, faster and louder doesn't always equal better. Cramming three legendary Universal monsters into his overcooked horror homage works in theory, but in practice you get a runaway train of a movie so desperate to entertain it never knows when to shut up. With too many action setpieces sandwiched together, the film soon blends into a repetitive cycle of characters smashing through windows or endlessly swinging on wires. Somners never lets the film stop long enough to enjoy some of the genuinely inventive moments;- he's too busy cramming more CGI into the frame, or letting Kate Beckinsale strike glamour poses at hilariously inappropriate moments. Even the excessively barneted Jackman barely makes an impression amongst the noise, while Richard Roxburgh's screamingly awful Dracula turns a horror icon into a bellowing Eurotrash hairdresser. For twelve-year-olds in the audience, this'll be the coolest film on Earth- for everyone else, it's a brain-shaking migraine waiting to happen... * *
VITAL The Japanese director of Tetsuo is at it again, crafting a journey into the kind of menacing cinematic world where even David Cronenberg might feel downright uncomfortable. The macabre plot follows amnesiac medical student Hiroshi (Ichi The Killer's Asano) as he tries to unlock the gaps in his recollections, and then discovers that his dead ex-girlfriend's body is the subject of his anatomy and dissection class... What might sound like gross-out horror is actually a provocative study of memory and loss, closer in tone to A Snake of June than Tsukamoto's earlier cyberpunk-style films. Dark, perverse and fearsomely unique, it's the working definition of love-it-or-hate-it cinema. * * * *
WALKING TALL For anyone missing the Eighties-style "Let's clean up this town!" action movie, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is back with this beautifully dumb showcase for his skull-cracking talents. A remake of a seventies thriller that's loosely based on a true story, the plot kicks off with our impossibly muscular hero returning to his home town, only to find ex-schoolmate Neal McDonough has transformed the place into a seedy and corrupt Casino-driven hellhole. Naturally, the Rock isn't about to let this stand, and after getting himself voted in as Sheriff, he's soon dispensing justice with the aid of slacker Johnny Knoxville and a large plank of wood. Running through the action clichés at maximum speed, it's a little too formulaic and straight-faced for comfort- but the pace is so quick there's barely time to notice. Just sit back, enjoy the genuine Knoxville/Rock chemistry, and watch Mr. Johnson doing what he does best;- busting heads with considerable style. * * *
WAR OF THE WORLDS For just over an hour, Spielberg's take on the H.G. Wells classic is one of the most ferociously brutal alien invasion flicks you'll ever see. A ground-level, post 9-11 view of American apocalypse, it's prepared to explore the darker, violent side of humanity and isn't afraid to spectacularly traumatise Dakota Fanning's smart-talking ten year-old, while the eerie Tripod war machines are a magnificent example of effects that rarely expose their CGI origins. The trouble is, while Spielberg loves pretending to be dark, he can't repress his showman instincts. Like Minority Report, WOTW suddenly starts throwing in improbable heroics, and tacks on an unbelievable happy ending, leaving what could have been another Spielberg masterwork as a near-miss that's both brilliant and frustrating. Extras: Featurettes With the master filmmaker continuing his 'No Commentaries' mindset, we get ten lengthy featurettes that slot together into a gigantic two-and-a-half-hour making-of documentary. Every angle of the film's production is exhaustively covered, and it's a fascinating insight to the ridiculous speed at which the production was done, as well as featuring engrossing interview material with Spielberg. The self-congratulatory tone and the non-stop footage of joking around on set gets annoying after a while, but the level of sheer detail is seriously impressive. Film: * * * Extras: * * * * WHATEVER HAPPENNED TO BABY JANE? Long-standing cinematic rivals, screen legends Bette Davis and Joan Crawford finally got the chance to fight it out onscreen in 1962, thanks to this savagely bleak slice of Hollywood darkness helmed by Robert Aldrich. Davis is the crazed ex-child star who gets her kicks by torturing her wheelchair-bound sister Crawford, and the resulting gothic melodrama is one of the finest celluloid bitch-fests ever to make it to the screen. It may not reach the satirical heights of SUNSET BOULEVARD, but this is still a fabulously dark look at a bitter world of faded dreams, and Aldrich's misanthropic worldview shines right up to the unforgettably dark climax. * * * *
WHAT THE BLEEP DO WE KNOW? Imagine a feature-length version of those portentious "What is Reality?" speeches from The Matrix, and you'll be pretty close to this wilfully weird documentary. Threading together twelve scientists and mystics talking about life, God and quantum physics with the bizarre tale of Marlee Matlin's troubled photographer, it's a mix of fascinating insight and pretentious new-age bollocks- with the latter winning out in the end. Extras: Filmmaker's Q+A, Scientist Q+A, Interview, Vox Pops, Music Video, Trailer A selection that's informative without being comprehensive, with the best element being various US audiences quizzing the filmmakers. Bigger editions are planned, however, including a multi-discer with 100 hours of extras. Gulp... Film: * * Extras: * * *
WHERE THE TRUTH LIES What's it all about?: Fifties entertainment duo Lanny (Bacon) and Vince (Firth) are at the top of their game- until a mysterious death ends their partnership. Fifteen years later, reporter Karen (Lohman) sets out to discover what happened, but is soon heavily involved with both men... Remember when sex wasn't confined to foreign language arthouse flicks and raunchy teen comedies? Exotica director Atom Egoyan certainly does, and his adult look behind the squeaky-clean façade of Fifties America features enough eye-opening carnality to have earned itself the dreaded NC-17 certificate in the US. Despite the frequent coupling (including a threesome featuring Bacon and Firth), pure titillation isn't on the agenda- instead, this fascinating but flawed drama is structured as a mix of character study and noir mystery, complete with non-stop multiple voiceovers and a Vertigo-esque score. Unfortunately, such a mainstream approach heavily dilutes Egoyan's usual multi-layered directorial style, and matters aren't helped by Lohman's flat portryal of a role which should be the centre of the story. The film ends up tackling too many subjects in one go, but Firth and the ever-watchable Bacon keep things on track, and it's they who deliver the emotional goods when this portrait of stardom's murkier side finally kicks into gear. * * *
WIN A DATE WITH She's had "Next Big Thing" stamped all over her since BLUE CRUSH, and all the impossibly gorgeous Kate Bosworth needs is one decent star vehicle to cement her status. Unfortunately, there's no way this collapsed soufflé of a rom-com is going to do the job, as all it does is recycle PRETTY IN PINK with a Hollywood spin to ever-diminishing returns. Bosworth is the small-town girl who wins a date with L.A. megastar Josh Duhamel, only for him to follow her back home in order to win her heart- a fact which doesn't go down well with Bosworth's geeky best friend Topher Grace, who's desperately in love with her himself. The whole fairy-tale atmosphere is sunk by the supposedly irresistible Duhamel being a charisma-free plank, and despite a handful of good lines, all the plot can do is leap through the predictable "keep them apart" hoops before the blindingly obvious climax. * *
WONDERLAND The impossible has happened- Val Kilmer has finally made a decent movie. Bouncing back from an eight year long quality nosedive (GHOST AND THE DARKNESS, anyone? Thought not...), the man who was Jim Morrison has returned to his previously impressive form- and yet again, he's playing a flawed real-life personality prone to excessive shagging. As legendary "Porn King" John Holmes, Kilmer is a screen-devouring explosion of charisma and nervous energy, but anyone expecting a BOOGIE NIGHTS-style expose can forget it. Instead, the setting is 1982, after Holmes' epic porn career had imploded, and the film explores his murky involvement with the gruesome murders on L.A.'s Wonderland Avenue. Throwing flashy graphics and multiple perspectives into the mix, it's a convincingly grimy portrait of fallen stardom as well as a gripping crime thriller- and even occasional slip-ups like a god-awful Carrie Fisher cameo can't blunt the edges of this brilliant, brutal morality tale. * * * *
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written material is (c) Saxon Bullock 2009. For further details,
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